Dating In Usa Who Is Supposed To Text
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A good first date is a lot like tequila: It makes you do stupid shit. It makes you want to throw any personal boundaries or social norms you intend to follow right out the window and send desperate texts at 4 a.m. But you don’t have to fall into the trap of the post-good-date high (or, for that matter, tequila shots). Instead, you can practice the subtle art of the follow-up text.
When it comes to contacting someone after a first date, most people get hung up on when you can reach out. Don't. The “when” of the follow-up text is the least important part. As long as you don’t text your date seven weeks later, you’re probably doing fine. I once had a guy text me six months after no contact with “Hey stranger, how are you doing?” He only got one thing right: By that point, we were, in fact, strangers. You can wait too long, but you really can't text too soon. Arbitrarily waiting to text someone because you don’t want to seem thirsty is weird; text when you have something to say. Guys only really mess up the follow-up text when they text too much, rather than too soon. When you initiate a conversation every single day for days on end after a nice date, you’re not reminding them of the fun you had go-karting, you’re giving them a new chore: responding to your texts.
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As for what to text, unless there are some extenuating or scary circumstances that happened while you were on the date together, on a first date you should steer clear of asking someone to text you when they get home safely. While some women will certainly find this sweet, it can come across as kind of parental, which is the antithesis of horny.
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Additionally, do not ever text someone you just went on a first date with “good night.” While I’m positive there are people who find this endearing, there are far more who will find it weird and relationship-y, and it’s way too early to be relationship-y. Since you are neither a teenager nor Drake, you don’t need to be sending good night or—God forbid—good morning texts to someone you’ve gone on fewer than 20 dates with. A “good night” tells someone that you have nothing else to say but are horny, or that you’re waking up and falling asleep thinking about them, both of which are red flags at this stage. A friend of mine got a text from a guy the very night of their first date that said “goodnight [kissy face emoji]” and she never talked to him again. It seems desperate, which is not the vibe you’re going for.
Text when you have something interesting to say (and no, complaining about your workday is not interesting). Someday, you’ll get far enough along in a relationship to text boring shit, but for now your texts must be spicy. That also means that a perfunctory “We should do this again sometime” will not cut it. Nor will compliments—a compliment after a first date feels like a review. You’re trying to present your best self, and let me tell you, your best self is more creative than that. While complimenting someone is inherently nice, fawning over a person via text becomes tedious and often uncomfortable quickly. One time a guy texted me the day after our date, and he wouldn’t stop commenting on things that I had said during the date and how attractive he found them. Rather than feeling flattered, I felt weirded out that he was playing back the date that I was on. Additionally, replaying the date in awe suggests that you aren’t usually around women who are smart or funny or sexy, which is a red flag in and of itself.
Instead, send texts full of New Fun Plans. Even if you initiated the first date, don’t be afraid to do so again. Aim for at least three days between dates. You get bonus points if these New Fun Plans are something that you guys talked about on the date, but don’t get too tied up in planning. You aren’t on The Bachelor; most women would be thrilled just to have a guy suggest a restaurant and a day of the week to meet there. So throw out a casual “What are you up to on Thursday? Do you want to go to Cheesecake Factory with me?” and see what happens. Always tell her what you’re suggesting before you ask if she’s free on a specific night. Don’t just ask if she’s free on Friday with no further information. She might be “free” on Friday for drinks but not “free” to go to your niece's friend’s piano recital.
Lastly, whatever you do, and no matter how horny you are, do not text anything sexual. One date is not permission to sext, even if you hooked up on said date. I had a guy I hooked up with text me while I was still driving home from his place. “Was my dick big enough?” the text read. Which is a text no one should send under any circumstances, let alone if you’re trying to date someone. To the surprise of no one, he and I never saw each other again.